Finding Yourself
I have a 2-litre steel bottle, a water purifier with a slow water flow, and a curved sink right beneath my purifier. Together, these 3 make the trifecta that effectively measures my mental health.
I have had phases in life when I would happily stare at the water stream, content and present at the moment. Then phases where I would be impatient, maybe fill it partially or be angry at it and this stupid setup. Phases were I would try hacks to get the bottle to stay straight while I can do important things and 'not waste my time'.
Yet truly, it just takes 3 minutes. Well, 2 minutes 43 seconds to be precise(yes, I counted). See, it's a spectrum. From happily enjoying the moment to wanting to end the bottle's entire bloodline. It's probably the best continuous measure of my mental health.
A week back, during one of these 'filling sessions', I was angry enough at the bottle to pick it up and was ready to hurl it across the room. I realised at that exact point that I am in a bad state. Something needed a change.
I have been going through a tough time personally in the past few months, and that has played a role. But more than that, I have not been me. The version I am happy with, even at a subconscious level, has always revolved around reading and writing.
Yes, life has been hard lately, but life is life. When I read, I live many lives. The challenges of this one don't feel as dramatic. When I write, I can put my thoughts in perspective. It's like putting all the disparate thoughts into one whole. Just like finishing a complicated puzzle. You put in effort and grapple with different sections of it. Something clicks, and you solve it. Viola! You can now see the big picture clearly.
And for that, I need time with myself. Away from the constant cycle of consuming content and the need to fill every free second with something. I need a mental state where I can smile and be content while I fill my stupidly large bottle.
So this is me. Finding my way back to me. I have started reading again and writing as well. Spending more time with myself and being more mindful of what I consume.
We all have things like this. Maybe it is going on long walks, birdwatching, reading research papers, playing retro Pokémon games, acting, reading, or writing. Find that habit. The one that makes you feel like yourself the most. The version of yourself that you are happy with. Don't worry if you have lost touch, you can always find a way to get back to it.
Find it and never let go.
PS:
Dear readers, thank you for all the love. Even after 8 months of no writing, I see hundreds of unique views on the blog per week. I see more RSS subscriptions. I know some of my screenshot posts and tweets on X have been viral in the past, reaching 100k+ or even a million views. But the real readers are in the hundreds. Those of you with kind DMs and expressing support everywhere. Actually clicking on the blog and reading through entries. Often all entries in one go! This message is for you all. Thank you for all the love and support. I am glad I was able to add value to your lives.
Going forward, I don't know what this blog will become. It was always an expression of myself. My opinions and thoughts as I navigate the world. I will try to stay true to that as much as I can. I am not sure what I will write about and at what frequency. I will try my best to bring you guys along on this journey and add value in some way or the other.