Inner Voice
I have been spending a lot of time with myself lately. Been listening to my inner voice. It has become very vocal. I hear the little excuses it makes up. The stories it tells me about the world and the people in it. The hopes, the dreams, and the fears.
This is not the first time this has happened. I have always been the introspective kind. The only difference this time is I am more accepting. More kind to my inner voice.
When I was younger I was abusive to it. Surely the high achievers had an inner voice of steel. So I did what I thought was right. I hammered it into a fine sword I could cut all competition with and win. And win I did many times. But I was never really content with my victories. And the losses. Those were terrible. I would double down on my self-abuse. Eying the next victory.
Things are different now. I no longer judge and shame it for being weak when it tries to make an excuse. No longer force it to be some ideal version. Now I accept it. And try to gently nudge it.
And surprisingly enough this is more effective in the long term. More sustainable. I am more content when I win. Losses don't hurt the same way. There is more to life than just maximising effectiveness and winning.
My sixteen-year-old self would call me a 'pussy' for saying the last line. Would even judge me. But hey I am happier. And to his fury. I am more effective than him. I can outwork him. Out achieve him. All with a smile on my face.
Be kind to your inner voice.