Video Games And Realizations About The Self
What do you do to know yourself better? Mediation? Long walks of self-reflection? Maybe you end up finding yourself in the warm embrace of a charming cult leader who smells like heaven(pun intended). The last place I ever thought I would find myself is through video games.
I bought a gaming pc 8 months ago. A childhood dream of mine, finally made possible. Over these 8 months, I have played regularly. Yes, a full-time job, socializing, reading fiction, gym, and other commitments made it so that on average I could only play 4-5 hours a week, but reflecting back, I have so many precious memories. Whether it's enjoying life as Arthur Morgan in RDR2 or running(read screaming) away from monsters in Resident Evil. Swinging through Manhattan as my favorite superhero(Spidey!) or just going on an adventure as a cat in Stray.
Each moment was unique and precious. A part of me was scared that I won't enjoy games as much as a so-called 'Adult'. But I am relieved and pleased to inform you, dear reader, that I loved it.
What I never expected, though, was how reflecting on these games would help me understand myself better. I always thought I was in it for the win, for the thrill of being a badass smashing through enemies. But what I actually enjoyed most wasn’t the victory. It was the challenge.
I realized I loved the moments where progress didn’t make me overpowered, where I had to struggle, restart, and piece things together again. I didn’t even mind losing resources or starting from scratch—if it made sense in the story. Sometimes, being betrayed in the narrative only made the rebuild more meaningful.
That got me thinking: maybe that’s how I am in real life, too. I thought I was chasing outcomes—money, recognition, big biceps, or just a waffle drowning in maple syrup. But maybe what really drives me is the process itself. The challenge.
It’s strange to admit, because who actually enjoys the grind? Waking up early, pushing out that last rep, banging your head against a tough problem? Most of the time, I’ve looked for hacks to make the grind more bearable, because I thought it was all about the reward at the end. Like a hamster running on a wheel just to get the cheese.
But imagine telling the hamster:
“Hey bud, you know how you run on the wheel and then I give you cheese? Well, plot twist—you actually like the running more than the cheese. Yeah, I know your paws hurt, but you secretly love the struggle. In fact, I’m gonna throw some pebbles in the wheel so it’s even harder. You’re welcome.”
Honestly, I like the cheese. A lot. But maybe I like the struggle more than I thought. I do feel satisfied after a day of meaningful work, regardless of the outcome.
I don’t have it all figured out yet. Maybe I really am all about chasing waffles with extra maple syrup. Or maybe, I’ve secretly been enjoying the grind all along. The truth might be somewhere in the middle. Either way, I never expected video games to get me asking these kinds of questions about myself.